I recently had a short but really powerful conversation with a friend. You know that kind of conversation where you just talk about anything and eventually, you end up shifting your perspectives and make more impactful realisations on a lot of things? This is one of those conversations. We talked about business, then some personal stuff, and back to business, then settled on discussing the concept of jealousy and how it is an ugly emotion ONLY WHEN we let it perpetuate.
I get it. Jealousy is not a good feeling, but if you’ve got a few minutes to spare, just like how Elle Woods said it best – I have a point, I promise. 🙂
Every emotion we feel as a human is valid. Yes, that includes being jealous. We feel it for a reason. Think of it as a trigger that there’s something you need to address. So rather than shutting it down, confront it.
How to control your jealousy
Dear haters, I couldn’t help but notice that ‘Awesome ends with ‘ME’ and ‘Ugly starts with ‘U’
Whilst we can’t control the triggers we feel, we can control whether or not we let them manifest into negative energy and actions. Instead of giving jealousy fire to manifest, we should learn how to give it love. We need to learn how to tell that jealous voice – “I acknowledge you, and there’s a reason why you are here.”
When we begin to acknowledge the presence of jealousy, that’s only when we can lead it in the right direction. Only then can we bring compassion to the situations that make us feel undervalued, excluded, or threatened. We need to teach jealousy to bring about “me, too.” instead of “why you?” Rather than being bitter, why not aspire to be better?
So how do we shift?
Curiosity is the key.
Instead of punishing yourself for feeling jealous, start asking yourself better questions. Discover what it is in your life that has brought up such overwhelming emotion and how you can move forward.
Let’s say you have a friend who’s making more money than you in the sales industry. Instead of getting jealous, you should get curious. Be really curious that you want to find out what energy they are bringing into their conversations and how they make their clients feel.
The turning point that makes all the difference
I remember a very significant moment I consider a turning point in my life. When I was really young I only ever got to go on one holiday because my parents are working immigrants. The flight attendant turned right to lead us into the economy section – and whilst looking out the window, I was thinking about the people who could afford business class. Instead of being jealous, I simply decided to be curious about who they are, what they do, and what’s their story and background – to be able to turn left all the time.
I now turn left and staying curious has made all the difference.
So when the big J creeps up, you can turn left or you can turn right. Whilst you’re all going to the same destination, your experience and journey will be very different. Sometimes, all it takes is the mindset of getting curious instead of getting jealous. Jealousy can be a good thing only if you let it nurture your fire to be better.